Preparing for Your Child's Move to College
On Your Mark. Get Set. Go.
Who is that child? Beginning in spring of senior year, you may notice your child behaving in ways that surprise you. Suddenly, he seems to lose interest in everything: turning an English paper in late for the first time, procrastinating about getting paperwork filled out for college, maybe even shirking responsibilities at home or getting in trouble at school. The only facial expressions he seems capable of are the condescending sneer or the blank stare. Experts say senioritis is a very real phenomenon. Seniors are testing their independence, and acting out anxieties over separating from home, friends, and family.
Deadlines, Deadlines!
This behavior can be particularly frustrating for parents anxious to usher their child successfully into life beyond high school. Now is exactly the time when your child should be getting organized. Unfortunately, teens can also be extremely sensitive to criticism or even encouragement at this time. They want to live out their carefree final months as seniors. Yet they, too, are worried about not getting everything right.
So what can you do during this anxious period to help? First, recognize this is a difficult time for you also. No doubt you are having your own mixed feelings. Despite the fact that he's behaving like a Neanderthal, try giving your child a measure of the independence he craves. Your confidence in his abilities will help ease his own misgivings. If he expresses worries about the future, let him know these feelings are normal and you have faith he'll get through just fine. Make a list of your own worries and what you can do to ease them; suggest your child do the same.
According to expert Charles J. Shields, author of The College Guide for Parents, spring of senior year is also a good time to start teaching your child new skills for college. If you haven't already done so, teach him how to balance a check book and keep track of credit card and other bills. Show him how to do the laundry and provide him with some basic housecleaning tips. Teach him a few simple recipes. These activities can help both you and your child feel you are working constructively toward college.
Free and Easy!
Now is also your chance to plan for how you'll spend all that luxurious free time you'll have once your teenager is off to college. You could take up an activity, such as golf, you've always been interested in but never had the time for. Dr. Andrea Van Steenhouse, author of Empty Nest ... Full Heart, the Journey from Home to Collegesuggests parents talk with friends who've been through the same transition and learn how they coped. This is also a tough time for siblings anticipating a new family order. They will need to say good-bye to the college student in their own ways, and they'll need your attention and reassurances, too.
Before the departure day comes, negotiate expectations for getting to college and staying connected once there. Does your child want you to accompany him on the trip to school? If so, how long should you stay? Should you help him unpack and move in? Setting up a call schedule is also important. You might expect to hear from your child every week; he may think every two weeks is adequate. Be sure to clarify these expectations in advance.
The Hardest Word
Finally, the day will arrive when it's time to say goodbye. You may be surprised by your strong reactions, given all the months you've had to prepare. Some parents worry about expressing this sadness, afraid to overburden their child. It's okay to show these emotions. It's important to let your child know that though you'll miss him, you're happy about his new adventure. This can reassure your child of strong home ties, and help him deal with her own feelings. Despite the difficulties, you should all be proud. After all, this is the moment you've been working toward—when your child begins life on his own.
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